you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
