cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
