If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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