I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
