If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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