The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
