when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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