i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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