Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
