i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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