I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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