Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
