dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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