this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
