i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
