WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
