I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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