i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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