Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
