i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
