life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
