with your own penis?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
