Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
