He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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