why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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