Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
