that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
