Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
