32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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