And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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