I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
