maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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