I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
