smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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