Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
