At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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