between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
