part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
