Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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