Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
