This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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