Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
