Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
