the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
