Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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