Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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