TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
