shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
