Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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