Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
